Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
***
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
***
Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: “Nine.”
***
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
***
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”
Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”
Doctor: “Every two hours.”
***
Sleep with an open window tonight!
1,400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this.
One mosquito invited for the event. 2,800 mosquitos will be attending the event.
***
In a boomerang shop: “I’d like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?”
 

The mummified body of a young girl has been discovered in the warehouse of a cemetery – and no one knows who she is.
Staff at Rotoli Cemetary in Palermo, Italy, are stumped about where the mummy came from after it was found inside a chest — and not a coffin or sealed container, metro.co.uk wrote.
The girl’s body had been ‘mummified’ using traditional techniques before she was fully dressed and had a crown of roses placed on her head, staff said.
But without any indication of who she is, no name and no coffin, there is now a major investigation underway to find out where the body has come from.
Cemetary director Cosimo De Roberto is trying to shed light on the mystery.
He said: “The chest was bought in 1999 by a priest, Father Calafiore, it is assumed from a convent but it is not known exactly from where.
 “There is no trace of this child in the cemetery archives and I have asked the coroner to look into it.
“But the coroner assures me the girl’s death is not recent and dates back some years.”
He said staff have taken to calling the mummified girl Nymph ‘and not simply call it mummy’, he said.
The body was discovered in the historical archive of the cemetery, which was being inspected to organize the storage of coffins awaiting burial.
“The discovery was made by pure chance,” De Roberto said.
It comes after an untouched mummy was only recently discovered inside an ancient Egyptian tomb.
The tomb is one of a pair found on the west bank of the river Nile in the southern city of Luxor, dating back around 3,500 years.
 

Is it a dog? Is it a bear? Nobody knows.
In fact, this picture of the animal in Russia has even got experts scratching their heads.
The odd looking creature was brought into an animal shelter in Chelyabinsk, south-central Russia’s Cheliabinsk Oblast region this week, and locals say ‘they have never seen anything like it before.’
Despite the fact that humans have no idea what it is, the animal seemed content enough to look directly at the camera, metro.co.uk reported.
An animal activist, only named as Igor, said however that he believes the animal is more dog than bear.
He said: “It has a difficult character, actually a little noxious.
“We had a tough time with it, while we were transporting it. The new owner would have to spend a lot of time in order to figure out individual approach to this dog.”
Vets say that although they are not sure, it could be a strange cross of a stray dog and chowchow, which could give the animal its bear-like features.
Vets estimate the dog-bear to be around four years old and a male, he is yet to be named.
 

Parivel Veerasamy, National Geographic Your Shot
A man prepares to swallow fire at a Navaratri celebration at the Sri Mutharamman Temple in India. Navaratri is a nine-day, Hindu festival celebrating the Divine Mother, with fire serving as a symbol of prayer and devotion.

The owl is small, but its voice is loud.